System Shut Down

System overload
breaking down
shoulders not strong enough
to carry the weight.
Just want to crawl in the hole
turn off the lights
and sit in silence
cause the sounds of the world
are just too much
and hurt my ears .

The nosies of the world
make no sense to me
cause I cant make out
the meaning of its words
they just hurt more.
every piece of sound
is pushing me to the edge
and I cant run fast enough
away from them.

System overload
breaking down
system fired
system shut down
cant grab a handle on it
everything slipping through my fingers
I don't got this.
I yell but nothing is coming out
I cant make a noise of my own.

System overload
breaking down
everything building up
cant seem to come out
slowly drowning in this ocean
system in shock
Sparks flying
fighting against the certain
waves stronger than they look
just want to give up
and let it take me.

System overload
breaking down
system shut down
system fired
go into the hole
where the silence and dark is
where no noise can enter.
I don't got this
cause everything is slipping and
cant grab a handle on anything
System getting fired by the water
sparks flying
fire is started.
cant fight against the certain.

Slowly drowning
system down...........

Angel & Devil

It was a warm August Saturday in Florida. Angel had just moved in to college, ready to start the college life.  She was far from everything she knew. She chose to go to a college named Aslyn College for two reason s: one to get away from the cold north weather, and two, the college had everything that Angel was looking for. She wanted to study theatre and psychology. She always liked to have a backup plan, just in case life threw another curve ball at her. Angel figured that if she ever got badly wounded doing lights for theatre, then she do something in the field of helping others.  She never really knew where life wound take her and she never believed that her life was already planned out by a greater power.  She believed that she made her own path in life.

                In early September, it was time to say goodbye to her parents and hello to new people.  She had two roommates, Jean and Alice. Jean was from Florida and Alice, like Angel was from the north. They got along just fine and became friends in the first couple months, but Angel kept her secrets inside, not wanting to scare her new friends. One night she didn’t feel like being around her roommates because she was in a bad mood, missing her friends back home. She went to the school’s student center to just hang out and watch TV.  She sat down, seeing that a movie she liked was on. The only problem was that it was almost over. A show called “Sons of Anarchy” came on; Angel knew of the show, but never watched it. During the show, a junior introduced himself as James; they found common ground between the two of them.

Angel noticed James’ bag, “Where you in the army?” she asked, seeing that it had the pattern it.   

“Yeah, took some time off to join,” James told her.

“Did you ever go overseas?” Angel asked, always interested in where people had been in their lives.

“Yeah, I went to Europe,” he answered her.  “Sons” came one, James told Angel the whole story because she admitted that she had no idea what was going on in the episode.

Through their talk and during the show, Angel noticed James’ dragon ring, representing her favorite mythical creature. “I like your ring, where did you get it?” she asked James during a commercial break.

“Oh, a friend in Europe gave it to me; I love dragons. Your rings are cool, too,” James told her and then continued to watch “Sons”. Over time, it became a weekly thing for them; every Tuesday they would watch the show that brought them together.

                Before Angel left the north to attend Aslyn College, she had made contact with others so she wouldn’t be so alone. She finally met one of these people from her past. His name was Cody; they had been talking over the summer. It was a quick meet because Angel had classes, which only gave her about an hour. He showed her where his cousin’s wedding had taken place which wasn’t far from the college, and walked around. They never met again, and they kept talking for a little bit.

                A little time passed by and then on a Saturday at her aunt’s, she was looking at different profiles and one caught her eye. She first messaged him, asking him if he liked going to theme parks and what were his favorite rides.  They hit it off and kept talking to each other back and forth. Her family was making fun of her, thinking she was on Facebook, but little did they know what she was doing. That night they discussed actually talking to each other on the phone and she agreed.  Angel was nervous because she was bad at talking vocally; texting was easier for her. They finally talked and learned each other’s names. His named was Emmett. They just knew their user names and they talked for hours that felt like minutes; she couldn’t believe how fast time went by. They talked every day during any free time that Angel had between classes. She set limits so she would have time to work on her papers, but he was always there. They laughed about Angel’s roommates, well, just about one, - Alice, because of how her voice carried through the phone and annoyed the both of them when trying to talk.

                They were falling for each other. He was her “Tiger” and she was his “sweetheart”, and no one really knew expect her roommates, because they overheard their conversation about being boyfriend and girlfriend and Angel and Emmett agreed on it. Angel was a writer by heart and she had her own blog to write her poem for her old friends to read.  Some of them were about him; he asked her to read the first poem to him and she did, even though she felt nervous because people were around her. She couldn’t wait to meet him; it was the only thing she couldn’t wait to do. 

                That day finally came when she dropped off her parents at JAX airport. She knew she wasn’t far so she called him up. He said that by the time Angel got there he would be ready for her, and that the gate guard knew she was coming. The first time she drove right past his house; she was bad at directions, but she found him. When Angel got out of her car, he took her in his arms for the first time. Nervously she walked around his house while he finished getting ready. She met his dog Stone; he was a begal and very well behaved. She looked at all the pictures around his house, getting an idea of his past and family. Emmettfinally came down and sat right next to her. He turned off the TV and just cuddled on the couch, and he showed her his music that he made. Knowing that Angel had never kissed a boy before, he asked her if she wanted to and she said yes. Sparks flew.  Then they went upstairs to his game room where she sat on his lap and they did simulations of roller coasters. She looked at the time and was disappointed that she had to leave because she was working on the play at school. He begged her not to go and she wished she didn’t have to.  She drove to him when they could find the time, and when they were together it felt like their hearts fit each other.

                She listened to her brain once, which told her he wasn’t right, because he was saying something about not being able to see each other for six months, and he did something to himself that she was trying to get out of her mind.  Then Alice yelled at him during the break up, and his roommate wanted to beat up Alice. After too much pain, Angel knew she made the wrong choice and they got back together knowing that break ups was not their thing. She got out of her car, they saw each other and he told her that he loved her. She knew she felt the same, because she had never felt so much pain cause by one person.

                One night they had planned that she would come over to see him. He told her that he was out with his friends and that he might go to her instead; he was drunk. She could tell on the phone. He told her that he would call her back when he got home; but he never did. She waited weeks for him to call; his phone would ring or just go to voice mail. Each time he didn’t answer, the pain got worse and she thought the worst had happened. As time went on, her heart slowly broke each day, missing its other half, as her mind tried to figure it out.

                On one night she decided to drive to his house, but couldn’t get to him because of the gate. She was angry with him and with herself for not listening to her brain. When she got back, she took it out on herself so she could feel some pain. She kept trying to get him; she called him every chance she got to hear his voice and send him a letter. Angel became lost because she felt her heart missing its other half. Finally with one night she couldn’t take another breath without knowing, without him. She wrote on her hand in sharpie. She wrote that she loved him. She talked to her RA who she was friends with and was happy would be the last person she would talk to and went in the room. She was alone, and she took some pills and took a sharp knife to herself. She was his Angel and he was her Devil.

Where Are You?

Saying your name hurts now
it so much pain that it puts tears in my eyes.
Where are you?
You told me that you love me
and told you that for the first time
a loved anyone like this.
Where are you?
I cant seem to smile or fake one
I cant seem to laugh without faking it
I cant seem to stop thinking about you
even thought you are hurting so much.
Where are you?

You said you call when you got home
what happen to the call
did you forget?
Im still waiting
waiting for you and I dont why
when are abusing my hert like this.
Where are you?

People say to move on
to forget about you
but it feels like no one really understands
why I keep holding on
All I know is a keep holding on even though it hurts me like hell.
Where are you?
They can tell how much Im hurting
I even have the scras to prove it.
Where are you?

I search everywhere for you
trying to get to know if you are dead and alive
why did you leave without a word
I thought I desever at least a word .
You don't answer your phone
or anything fir that matter
all I only call hoping one day you will answer
and just to listen to your voice.
Where are you?

I miss everything about you
I miss hearing your voice everyday.
I miss you trying to keep me away from my studies.
I miss your arms wrap around me.
I miss how you got to my height
so I could kiss you.
I miss your lips
I miss listening to your heart
I miss feeling the other half of my heart.
Where are you?

Where are you?
Why did you leave like this?
You made me feel so numb
that I did anything to feel again
you scared me so much
I don't even know
how to heal my broken heart
without having the other piece of it.
Where are you?

It all feels too late
that I cant go back to what I knew
without you
nothing feels right or the same.
I just want to close my heart and never open it again.
You made it soft and warm and now
you make numb and cold.
Where are you?
The sick thing is that I keep thinking about you
when I shouldn't and at tells I see you in mind.

Wheres your reasons?
Are you alive?
Are you dead?
Where are you?
I just don't understand
and hurts the most is that I might never get the chance to
and that you will probably never get the chance to read this.
Whey are you hurting like this?
You told me you would never leave
so where are you?
Breaking my heart slowly
abusing its love
Where are you?

Shes Hiding

She combs her hair
To cover up her face
Doesn't want any one to see. 
Doesn't want anyone to see the scars
That are in the inside

She doesn't say a word 
Of the night before. 
Yeah, she fought a battle
And doesn't know
How she is still standing 
In the morning.

She wears her hair down 
Covering her eyes
Wearing a hood 
Hiding from the world 
And keeping her secrets from the world. 
She bites her tongue 
Afraid to let any words come out
Not knowing what would happen
If she let the world knew. 
Her wounds are in the inside 
And only has scars on the outside.

Hair covering up her eyes 
Hoping no one will see 
Cause she doesnt know what to say
she doesn't want to lie,
She doesn't what anyone to worry. 
So she puts on a hood
And walks through the day in silence.

I Just Wonder

Its the perfect weather here
the sky is blue and the sun is out
not a cloud in sight.
I wonder if you would call it a perfect day
I think you would.
Theres a breeze
so its not too hot.
I wonder if you had anything to do with it
is this your idea of a perfect day
and are you sharing it with it
knowing what today is?
I just wonder.

I dont know what it is like back home
probably goomly and colder
with your passing.
While here it is sunny
with the sky so blue
and the wind blowing through the palm trees.
This is probably a perfect day in your eyes.
I just wonder.

I wonder if you knew
that you were apart of an unqiue family
with many different characters.
I wonder.
Did you know that in your way
you made left a paw print on my heart
I say paw print because we are cougars?
I wonder.

The sky is clear
the sun is out
the breeze flows through the palm trees.
Is this your perfect day?
I wonder.
I hope you knew that every year
I was appracated for the work you did
we all were.
I just wonder
did we thank you enough.
I just wonder.
You had a skill
to make a world come to life
on stage with the clothes
you crafted
making the time period real.
I just wonder.

I know you will never read this
but I hope you hear this
through those that loved you
through those that you left your paw print on.
I just wonder
will you hear this up there
I just wonder.

The weather is perfect here
the sun shinning bright
the sky is blue
without a clould in sight.
I just wonder
is this your idea of a perfect day
and are you sharing it with us
to let us know that you are okay
up there.
I just wonder....

Like a Soldier

Like a soldier in battle
trying to get up
reaching for my gun and radio
to defend myself and the call for help.
On the floor trying to stand up
stand up again and never giving up.

Like a soldier
we get up not sure what the day will bring
we just know it will come.
We cherish each moment we get
not knowing what will be our last.
We were told giving up is not an option
failure is never an option to us.

Like a soldier in battle
we were taught not to give up
that to always fight
when the dark came
knowing some how there is a light
we just cant always see it.
the Spartan way never give up
die trying.
The great warriors
the human spirit works the same way
the only difference is that
we can give our selves away
and it would not look like weakness.

Like a soldier in battle
we are far from
those we love and
all we can do is fight
for them.
Like a soldier in battle
on the floor
reaching for our weapon to defend ourselves
and reaching for the radio
to call for help
for back up
because we realize
we cant do this by ourselves.
Like a soldier

Its Different

Its different not having that place of safety
it different not being reminded what you are fighting for
Its different not being able to know you could ask
for a hug and that its okay to show your tears to at least one person.
Its different no one can tell what you are feeling
without asking,

It feels lonely, isolate
cant  fully verbise
what I'm feeling or thinking.
I feel cold again
just back into the darkness
becoming less human has the days go on.
theres support bit its not the same
its a strange to me
and I don't know if I can fully trust it.

Its a shut down
no words are able to come out
the hood goes up
just want to curl into a ball
no one will notice anyway.
Just shut down
with only music keeping me company
it wont matter.

ts different not knowing who to ask
not knowing where it is safe to show any emotions
not feel safe to ask for a hug
when it is really needed.

Shut down
lonely and cold
stumbling through the day.

The Dark Figure

All dress down in black from head to toe
leans on the walls knowing they wont fall
by the wall, observing.

Hair down covering her eyes
have the hood covering her whole head
leans on the walls the only thing to support her
listening to music, but carefully
listening to the world.

Shes that dark figure over there
can you see her?
Blending in the walls
you haven't her voice in awhile
she just stands there
and before you know it
she runs off.

She smiles and makes you laugh
but do you know what she is hiding
the scars she wears?

You're afraid, shes afraid
to speak to each other.
Afraid of you're reaction  she doesn't say a word.
She doesn't want to speared
what she is, a disease
to the world.

So she does what she knows
she stands strong and ready with smiles
and laughter.
She bowes her head down
covering her eyes
to hide the tears and
pulls that hood back up
becomes speechless.

Shes that figure
all dress in black head to toe
leans on the walls knowing
they wont fall
and would understand each tear.
The dark figure
will hide their feelings inside
from the world that will
take advanage of her at
her weakest moments.


All cover in black
All cover in scars....

Finding a Place of Safety Again

Trying to let you know
and then you brush it off like its nothing
all I hear is laughter in the wind
under your words.
I can see the miss understanding
in your eyes its okay
not many people do.

Soon I'll be back with people
who know everything and will see it a mile away
with me saying a word.
I think about them
which is what truly stops me in my tracks.

I'll have to teach others
with time to learn
my tracks of  trades
teach them how I hide
and when I'm not.

I'll find those again
find new ones with time
where asking for a hug
wont seem so strange or weird.
When I wont be afraid
to show tears.

Truly all I'm looking for
is one place where I can feel safe
once again.
I know it wont be easy
but I have to try.
That's all it takes
I know it
and once I find this place
then something will feel normal for once.

That's what I miss
and I plan to find it within time
first part
take the first step
the difftical step.

This Itch

I have an itch
I cant tell how much it kills me.
I fight with it trying to hold my ground
I have an itch

Its not like a normal itch
like when you get a bug bite
or when you are wearing a casked
no it is a much worst.

Do you know why it is worst?
This itch can take control
and leads no where good.
It can become your worst habit
that you can never turn your back on.

This itch it fills good when
I give in
It burns and runs
people hate the truth of it
and the sight of it.

They ask how dare I?
and I laugh cause I cant hold a serious face
to save my life
I will tell them they don't understand
and that they are not the people that
really know me.
Cause those that do
would understand me better
and this itch and what it creates
once I cant stand it for a time
and have a peace of mind.

This itch, is my wound,
my weakness, the healed up scares .
This itch hurts more than anything
and is harder to get rid of

This is  my itch
This is my cruse
this is my bad part
This is my wound
and
This is my scares.

You Walked Back into My Life

Without notice you come back in my life
even in class you showed up
when the teacher mention
the thing you love  and I learned more about it.
I learn it was loved showed much
that it shine to the top
on stage.
 I see you smiling and picture you dancing and singing
right there next to the board.

Why didn't you get the love that would have
pushed you to shine?
I bet if you were given that chance
you would the same story that
someone found you and
you would have gotten to shine at the top
on stage.

I was walking and saw a shirt
that said other one of your favorites
and that it was your first rated r movie
and you loved it.
I remember our decision and the songs we like in it
and you burst into the song when I mention it.
You knew very beat
and you played to your own beat in life.

But now will never get to march
to your beat
or get to sing on the big stage
and have the lights have the honor making you shine
even more.
Your life was taking from you
and you were so young
and full of life
how couldn't you have been loved
for you being you
and they killed you.

With one bullet your life is taken from you
Why?
Cause they couldn't find love for you
so angry because of what you were
not by your choice
and yet you accepted it.
You said look this is who I am.

I hope wherever you might be
up there I can only hope
that you get to do what you loved up there.
You might find it crazy
but you do cross my mind
and walk back into my life
and I have to listen to something
that keeps you alive
somehow.

Missing You

Do you know what

Came on the radio

as I drove  to work,  

work was your  home?

It was a song

you  pointed

Out to me.

I remember you saying

Who does that remind you of?

And I said, without a pause,

 “ you”

 we both laughed.

A smile finds my face

 I remember you,

 then a tear runs down my face

you are gone.

I miss you immensely.

I know I will never

Get to hear your laughter

Again.

I pull up to work.

I’ve been in and out

Since you told me

You were gone.

The news hit me so hard

That I couldn’t fake

The sadness in

My heart.

Where are you now

To lite up my heart with gladness?

I get to my office.

I see your picture

There. I pick it up.

The moment plays

In my head.

And I smile

I laugh.

I read the back,

Remembering you put a message there,

 It touches my heart.

You never did anything

Normal

That I know of

You had such a

Creative mind.

Did you know that?

I put it back in place

Where I can see it

And others can too,

because I was not ashamed

Of you-

I never was.

Did you know that?

Would you have believed that?

I get settled in

And a friend walks by.

 Again, I laugh and say,

“It’s because of our inside joke about him.”

He asks, “what is it?”

I tell him it was something

That you said.

He asks how I’ve been,

Taking you being gone,

and I miss you

And I tell him, “I’m getting

Through it.”

We both sit down,

I ask him the same Question and

 he says he honestly  

 can’t believe it,

 it hurts.

It hurts me knowing

you will never

Walk through those doors

And make us laugh and smile.

Do you know

In this building

You touched a lot of people

and you matter to them?

I know you didn’t always

See that,

But they are all crying,

Or have cried,

Hearing about the news

That you are gone.

Someone stops me in

The hallway.

we both smile and laugh

Because of you,

And it’s crazy,

 At times it feels like

You are here with us

Again.

You were strange about

Showing your feelings.

 I remember how

You asked for a hug,

Something so simple;

And yet for you

It was strange.

Oh, How I wish I can hold you in my arms again

Sheltering you from the world

Having some control of keeping you safe.

The snow is falling.

 The holidays

Are getting closer

 you couldn’t wait

to see us again;

The idea lit up

Your voice.

I hope you know

That at times

 I think of you

And wonder about

The person you

Would have become.

Sometimes I smile and laugh

At our moments

That play in my head.

At times I cry

My heart out,

 then I get

This feeling

You are right here

With me,

 you never left.

You will never be forgotten,

Not because you had a major

Impact on the world,

But because of your

Love for all of us here.

 you impacted

Our lives and

Touched our hearts

And we are

Thankful for that.

I miss you and

I love you

Always

Are They Doomed?

They get up not knowing what the day will bring
they have been fighting for a long time
there was once a time of peace
but now the enemy is back
bigger, better , stronger.
They wonder how can they win this time
will the fighting ever stop.
Thoughts came back to them
playing like a sad movie
showing them they were doom from the start
now stop trying to avoide the outcome
that you know is ahesd of you.
face it, the sooner you do
the easier it will be and then
others can face that same fact.

Lets go perpare
it sont be much longer now
The thoughts show no clear vision of what
 they have in store for them.
They dont want to go
but know it is better that they do.
They weep tears not for themslves
for those they care about.

They dont know where to go
they keep inside all they think
cause they  dont want to pass their disease along
and dont want any pity.
They feel doomed inside
and wish if they knew that
they are not and that there is an end.

They fight to get back up
and sometimes dont know if they can
they try to keep one thing in mind
and that at least one person
will feel they are gone.
and that this fight is worthwhile
cause they dont want to cause others pain
and dont want to cause them tears.

Leaving Fringer Prints Behide

You wake up to another day
turn on the news
another life has been taken
the world always in chaos.
You look at your phone
you have a voice mail and a text
from the same person.
You see the text first 
and wonder whats going on
and then you hear their voice.
Its different than it usually is
the tune is sad and desperate
you mute the TV
to hear them better.

You call them
they don't answer
and the panic starts to take over
and you try again while looking at the TV
and then their picture
comes up.
You become paralyzed and drop the phone
without noticing it slipping through your fingers
and your heart sinks
tears start dripping from your eyes.
You think this cant be true
why are they joking like this
but you know its true.

You try to figure it out in your head
the why to every part of it.
Why didn't they wait?
Why did they have to go?
Why?

You look down at them
angry at them
for leaving the way they did.
You see them in your mind
the times they made you laugh
and the times they made you smile.
The way they saw the world
and the way they were going to change it.
The way they saw you and everyone they care about
and how they cherish every little thing.
You think they had so much ahead of them.

Days later they still cross your mind
and wish they were still here
and could talk to them.
So then you listen to the voice mail
they tell you thank you and that they love you at the end of it
the rest doesn't matter.
They cross your mind in the unusual ways
maybe in the way someone acts
maybe in the way of a topic
cause you know what they would say
maybe in the way
they touch your heart.

You never completely forget about them
cause they left their finger prints on your heart
and no matter what others say
you are thankful
for those finger prints.

I Put My Shades On

Wake up the light in the world hurts my eyes
I put my shades on
head is exploding
I put my shades on
wish I had an eye problem to never take them off again
trying to hide the truth they hold
I put my shades on
they are they're shield
trying to hide the pain

Wake up
it feels like a black eye
was I in a fight?
No blackness
but it feels like its there.
So I put my shades
afraid to take them off
feeling like I should hide from the world
to blend with the walls and the floor
hoping no one will see.

Wake up
in tears
heart pounding
thoughts come back
that I thought were long gone.
My reasons seem
not to be good enough
but my heart knows they
are important enough
and fight that cant seem to stop
until I surrendered
which I know I cant to
cause that's giving up on
all those I care about.
I put my shades on
the light hurts
my eyes
the world feels darker than it really is
and I just want to hide away.
I put my shades on
trying to feel some control.

So I put my shades on
only few people can get me to take them off
cause they already see pass the shades
and know what already is going though
my head.
Sometimes words are needed and sometimes
the smallest action without words
are just important.

Can you see behind the shades?

The Last Day

The last day
it was here I couldn't believe it
I didn't want to believe it.
The last day
I wouldn't come back
to these four walls as a student.
The last day
People friends
asked me
are you excited?
I look at them and
let out a smile a laugh
and said of course
I am.

The last day
we practice our walk
leaving and entering the world.
The last day
we talked not keeping track of time
when we had finished
we hug never wanting to
let go knowing that I
have to.

The last day
for the first time
I let them see my tears
for the first time.
I showed them my heart
The last day
I told them I was scared
but not of leaving
I could live with that
the fear was hold
with the idea I could lose them
and that I couldn't bare.
I don't want them to be apart of the past
but apart of the now and the future.
the last day
I take a heart marked by finger prints
a heart filled with love.

This may be my
last day
but this is not my
last day with them.
But each day I will treat it
has my last day
even if it may
never end.

I Dont Care What They Say

I don't care what they say
watching a love one die and being there after
they are gone
is the hardest thing.
The hardest parts are the small things
that you notice when someone is gone
and the world feels strange and cold
I don't care what they say
I miss you.

I don't care what they say
about you
cause they didn't meet you
and you left a foot print on my heart.
I don't care what they say
every once in awhile you cross my mind
and I look in the sky
looking and wondering.

I don't care what they say
I wish i told you
that you could never be replace
after every time we spoke.
I don't care what they say
I wish you knew
that one person love you
even if you felt unlovable.

I don't care what they say
I tune them out and get silent
and wonder and try to hide the saddest
in my heart.
But I would rather miss you
than not have met you
at all.
cause I got lucky to have you in my life
even if it was a second.

I don't care what they say
they don't know what you went through
and how you fought
they weren't there by your side.

I don't care what they say
I only care what you have to say.....

Miles are Between Us

Miles are between us
Call you up and your voice mail comes up
and tell you to call whenever good for
and keep my phone by my side
Miles are between us
Our schedules are opposite
from each other
and I hate to think
that this is what lies ahead of us
Miles are between us

Miles are between us
I miss you
and curse at our timing
you call when I'm the phone with someone else
and just want to hang up on them
so we can talk.
Miles are between us
Then i try to call you once I finish 
but of course there is no answer
Miles are between us
We are miles a part.

Yeah I know I'm here starting a new
but phone tag sucks
and I cant get a hold of another friend
I just feel all a lone
and start to question
what was I thinking being so far from all I know
Miles are between us

Miles are between us
I know one day we see each other again
and that we will be in each other lives
even maybe in small parts now
Miles are  between us

Miles are between us 
everything seems a little bit colder
and the world seems not to understand
Miles are between us

Just know those miles wont stop me
if you ever needed me in any shape or form
Miles are between us
yeah I miss ya
love ya
and always be safe
Miles are between us

Miles are between us
But you  are close to my heart
and those miles don't seem so far anymore
Miles are between us
closer to each other
cause we keep each other
in our hearts.............

Trying to Hold All These Tears

Trying to hold all these tears
Holding a strong fake face
Smiling instead of crying
Laughing to hide the sound
of my heart breaking.
keeping my thoughts to myself
acting without a care in the world.

Trying to hold all these tears
knowing this is only part of the beginning
and these are the best years
ahead of me.
This will pass in due time
and know that it will get easier has time
goes by.

Trying to hold all these tears
believing that everything will be okay.
So I'm holding on
and not going to let go.

So I'm going to smile every chance I get
Laugh the world away
and treat every talk like its the last
maybe let the world know whats going on in my head.

Trying to hold all these tears
Holding a strong fake face
Smiling instead of crying
Laughing to hide the sound
of my heart breaking.
keeping my thoughts to myself
acting without a care in the world.

But Ill always have the care in the world
in my heart
all you have to is just look
and you will see the heart that lies inside..

Facing the Door

The door is starring me in the face
the steps are behind me
I hear the cheer of those I know
telling me to open that door
that they will be right behind me.

I couldn't tell you the number of steps I have taken
only cause it doesn't matter.
What matters is the people that allow me to take those steps
and gave me reason to keep climbing.
The door is starring me in the face
my hand is shaking has it moves close to the handle.

My head says go ahead open the door
come on
lets do this.
Don't worry everyone is right behind you
even some beside you
all you have to do is open the door.
My heart says Oh My God
this is happening
this is real
why are we so far from everyone
we are going to fail them
and we are alone.
This is a sadness that we cant handle
and yet theres a cheer that we can.

The door is starring me in the face
it is haunting and threating
 not knowing what lies beside it
and I just hope that those have my back
will still be there once I open it.

I just know that I can take it not by myself
but with the help of others.
They are my cheat sheet to life
and is thankful everyday for them .

The door is starring me in the face
and my hand is shaking uncontrollably.
 But then other hands joy my hand steady it
and together we turn the handle
and together we push the door.
Together we take the world by storm
Together we will shelter
lean on each other.

Together we open the door to the world.....

My Bags Are All Packed

My bags are all packed
and I'm leaving even though I don't want to
but I know this is apart of life.
They say I'll do fine
that I have nothing to worry about.
I'm leaving but Ill come back to visit old faces
that now I will have to leave behind
but know they are always with me.

So I put on a smile when I'm ask are you excited
and I just say yeah its college! and laugh.
But inside I hear the start of the break
and don't dare say the word that would
put me in pieces
I'm leaving but Ill come back to visit old faces 
that would one day meet new faces
that cross my path.

My bags are packed
wishing I had more time
to get together with some
cause I know it will be awhile
when we will see each other again.
Good thing theres computers, phones and things
but its just not the same.
I'm leaving
its something I have to do.

So if you ever get lonely or sad
remember a joke I told you and you will smile and laugh
or just call me up
cause you know Ill answer for you.
Keep me in your thoughts from time to time
and know you will cross my mind every once and in awhile.

My bags are all packed
and I all ready miss you
and feel that not everything was said
and then laugh cause we know what
each other are thinking.

My bags are all packed
and I'm leaving even though I don't want to
but I know this is apart of life.
They say I'll do fine
that I have nothing to worry about.
I'm leaving but Ill come back to visit old faces
that now I will have to leave behind
but know they are always with me.

My bags  are all packed
and I all ready miss you
 so you better stay in touch
I know we will miss each other at times
cause time is never on our side.

My bags are all packed
and I'm fighting back the tears
with fake smiles and laughter
trying not to fall apart.

My bags are all packed
I hope you know this is not the last of me
and that I'm thankful
for our time and know
theres no way we are done
cause I'm taking another step in life.
But this time I have you by my side
I know your words are true
my bags are all packed
and I'm gonna proved your words
my bags are all packed
so is my heart
my bags are all packed
so is my head
my bags are all packed
and Ill take this world by storm

My bags are all packed
to leave and soon
they will be pack again
to visit old faces 
and Ill be stubborn and determine
to make sure we have time.

My bags are all packed....
and a new chapter begins................

If I Only Have 24 Hours to Live

If I only have 24 hours to live
I would tell them that this is it
that I wouldn't see tomorrows sunrise
and that I'm okay with that.
Cause I love them &
wouldn't want to be running from it.
If I only have 24 hours to live

Oh If I only have 24 hours to live
I would tell them I love &
thank you for making life
so worth living.
If I only have  24 hours to live
I would give them a hug 
and tell them how much
they mean to me and how
I see them.
If I only have 24 hours to live

Oh if I only have 24 hours to live
I would tell them this is it
and I wouldn't see tomorrows sunrise
and that I don't care and I won't go to  any  doctor
cause all I want to do is spent the time with them.
If I only have 24 hours to live

Oh yeah, if I only have 24 hours to live
I'll take all the little moments and do
all the little things with those that I care about
and I wouldn't have a care in the world.
If I only have 24 hours to live

If I only had 24 hours to live
I wouldn't waste a second doing nothing
and make every second count cause
I only have 24 hours to live

Oh yeah, I only have 24 hours to live
I wouldn't say any goodbyes cause
they would be too hard to say
and I know I'm not really leaving them.
I only have 24 hours to live

I only have 24 hours to live
and I'll hang on tight letting go at the last possible second
and I would stay up all night talking and
never missing a beat.
If I only have 24 hours to live

Oh yeah, yeah, if I only have 24 hours to live
I would tell them that this is it
that I wouldn't see tomorrows sunrise
and that I'm okay with that.
Just don't be afraid Ill be right there
and that its okay to cry but smile.
If I only have 24 hours to live
I would tell them that I love them
and thank you for making life
so worth living.
If I only have 24 hours to live

Oh if I only have 24 hours to live
24 hours to live ....

Your Teenage Soldier

You see a teenager
a bag over her shoulder
and a hood covering her face
and see walks quiet blending in the walls.
She walks in the cracks and bolts
before anyone can grab her
before anyone notices her.

She isn't wanted by the world
She didn't do any crime
she just walks away
and tries to blend
knowing theres no place for her.

She goes in a door
and ask why shes there and she tells them
that she would like to be of some use
and theres no better use than this.
They take her through the process
and ask her god forbid anything happen
who should we tell and she stares for awhile to think
and gives him a piece of paper with some names
and he says okay follow me.

Weeks go by and so days seem longer than others
Some get letters and pictures from friends and family
while she goes out to run
no letters come for her.
She trains and keeps moving forward
moving through the ranks
and before she know it 
she is captain of her troops.

They tell her its time to go
and she smiles and without words she goes to pack her bags.
Its in the middle of the night
she climbs aboard the plane.
But her general  tells her you cant get on the plane
as a captain but as a  lieutenant genereal and she stares at him it tells her
its okay to smile
and she does.

Three years later
you see her
and you wonder where she has been over the years
She doesn't tell you and she tells you
that to her you matter but now I have to go back.
I cant sit here while our boys are still there
and she hugs you and walks away.
You look back on her
and wonder and then it hits you
you run after her and say
why didn't you tell us? Please don't go
and she smiles with a tear in her eye ans says
I didn't want you to worry or think what might happen
and I have to, i promise i will come with my shield
tell the others I love them.
She hugs you again and you start to cry
and refuse to let go
She tells you Ill be okay look here's the way you get a hold of me
and hands over a piece of paper and lets go.

A month later
you just got off the phone with her
and moments later the news come on
and your heart stops
soldiers are dead, there were do many to count
so many dead.
You prayer that she isn't one of those and
get on the phone to find out
and they tell you they don't know yet.
You call up those that knew her
because you are scared and tell them to come over the next day
and they all agree not knowing what will happen.

The next day come and your friends come over
But then a vechile drives up and a man in uniform comes out of the car
all your hearts start to break and tears  start to run.
The door bell rings and of you answer it
he asks to come in with a sad look on his face
and sits where everyone is at
and saids she was the youngest in her rank
and did her country proud.
I remember when she first walked in those doors
and barely said a word and she gave me this list here
all your names are here.
It brings me to great sadness that she gave all
and her country will miss her has the solider and has the person
she was, we will remember her.
Know that no solider can ever match what she was
I can't imagine how great she was in your eyes
and wish I got to see her like you all did.

You see a teenager
and you see her about the same age
fighting for her country
and you let out a tear
and look up.
You whisper thank you
and that I love you
I hope you can hear me.
The wind pass you by through her papers
her story she last wrote
to the page that reads I'm always here and
never forget I love you
I love you all..

When We Miss Someone

When we miss someone we think about everything they did
the way they smile
the way they laugh
the way they they cried
everything.
Its funny and sad at the same time
because we never really look at those things
of a person when they are standing right next to us.
But when they are as far away as possible from us
all the little things come to our mind
and its never the mistakes they may have made
or the things they did wrong that stick out.
But its what they learn from those mistakes
and its all the right they did.

When we miss someone
we think about how they made us laugh
and the jokes that were shared
even how they pick up you when you were down.
We think about the way they carried themselves
the way they brightened up ones day.
Sometimes it hurts but then we
are grateful that we have those memories.

Even wonder what they might be doing right now
if they were still standing with us
and think what they might say to us
if we ask them.
We have no luck trying to figure out
why they left the way they did
we just have live with that fact
and hopefully find a reason.
It might not come so clear in the being
or maybe never.

When we miss someone we think about everything they did
the way they smiled
the way they laughed
the way they cried
everything.

We think about everything
even if that person was in our lives for a short time
or in our lives for a long time
or in those small moments
or in those defining moments
the important part is that
they were there and
always forever stay with us.


So with all this in mind think about those people and tell them
what they have done for you by just breathing,
I know it sounds crazy but hearing that and saying that
may mean a lot to both of you
cause then no matter what each day brings
all the words are said
in case they leave without notice.

I can't promise you
that there wouldn't be any tears
or any angey words.
I can't promise that
I'll do normal things
or say normal words
and my aactions
are as far from normal as
they can be.

I can promise you
that there will be
some laughs and smiles.
I can promise that
I'm as unigue as
a mutant
and my words are hard
to understand but if you
are lucky enough you'll
learn to understand them
and you'll be able to hear
them carefully.

I can promise that
my actions will speak
louder than any word
and they are done in
a way thar you can't
imgine.

I hope you'll be able
to understand the
way I see the world.
But I know you will never
see what I see
through my eyes.

I can't promise it
will never rain
and there will be no thunderstroms.
But I can promise that I'll
dance in the rain
with you
and find shelter in the
thunderstorm with you.

I can promise you
that I'll act kinda silly
at times
and that I won't be able
to held a serious face.
I can promise you
that the things I do
can never be copy 
because pf how i do them.

I can promise that
I come with a little bad
and a little good
I can be an angel
I can be the devil.

I can't promise you
how the day will
go but I can promise
that somehow Ill be there
in whatever form.

I can't always promise you
no rain
I can always promise
that the clouds will come
and so will the sun.
I can promise
that I hate being normal
and am so unique
cause as I hate to attempt
it that I maybe an
angel at times
a devil at times
even a werewolf or
vampire at times
thst I am human at time.

Song for Cap & Peggy

I know what I must do
I have to put this plane
in the water
and your voice comes on
the radio
you are on the other end.

You always saw the faith
and always believe in me
when others didn't
and you knew I would
always do the right thing.
You never hold me back
you always push me forward.

Our time is now limited
I put your picture
next to me
you tell me I better not be
late to dance with you.
I can see the ice cold water now
I tell you I still don't know
how to dance and tell me you'll
teach me.
I start to say something
but before I can finish
I hit the water...

I call your name
you don't answer
tears start running down
my face.
All I get is static
and my heart breaks
cause you were my partner.

People are celebrating
the war is over
and I look at the clock
and I'm mourning knowing
I will never dance with you
pr see you again.

You gave yourself
to the world
and I think about
the man you became
and the boy I fell
in love with.

I woke up
things have change
all around me.
I'm in a different
time period
and all I know is that
I'm late for our date.
Please forgive me
you're the first thing
on my mind.

I think about the
woman that push me
and always had faith in me
and about my perfect dance partner
that I fell
in love with.

The boy from Brooklyn
the girl in uniform
His bravely
Her beauty
If you can hear me
If you can hear me
I love you..
I love you.. 

Do We Truly Have Enough Time?

Can we truly have enough time with those we care about?

You tell me we've spent
enough time together and
I just smile cause I don't believe you.
Can you really tell me what enough is?
How can you measure time
like that?
Please tell me
what enough is
so I don't go over that limit.

I've learn that we never
have enough time
with those we care about.
So I treasure each moment
cause I never know
when it will be the last moment
with that person,

Can you really put a time limit with
a person?
Is it seconds, minutes, hours, days,
weeks, months, or years?
We always wish that
we had more time
when we live pass that
last moment.

So call me crazy
for taking so many
pictures. But you ll be saying
I wish I had pictures
that weren't just in my head
and you werent crazy
cause you knew how to
treasure each
and every moment as if they
were the last.

So we never truly
have enough time
with those that we care about.
So learn to treasure
those moments
and be grateful for
those little moments and inside jokes
that you share with
and every chance you
get tell them that you love them and
how grateful you are
that you were lucky
to cross in their life.
those you care about

She's Not in My Arms

She's on my heart
on my mind
wondering what she's doing now
all I know she's not in my arms.
I wonder if she found a family
a place to call home
or if she's still in a
temporary home
waiting to be love.
All I know she's not in my arms.

She's on my heart
on my mind
wondering if she can hear me now
I would tell her
I will find her even if it
takes me to the end of the world
that I love her
and soon she will be safe
wrapped in my arms.
I wonder if she already found someone else and if
she will ever remember while I
keep a place for her in my heart.

She's on my heart
on my mind
wondering what she's doing now
all I known she's not in my arms .
I wonder how she's living life
without me by her side
all I know she's not in my arms
I wonder if she found a family
a place to call home
or if she's still in a
temporary home
waiting to be love
all I know she's not in my arms.

She's on my heart
on my mind
wondering if she can hear me now
I would tell her
I will find her even if it
takes me to the end of the world
that I love her
and soon she will be safe wrapped in my arms.

She's on my heart
on my mind
wondering what she's doing now
what hurts me the most
is all I know
she's not in my arms
safe and sound
no not in my arms
but I love her
she's on my heart
on my mind...

We Know What the Other is Thinking

We both know what the other is thinking
that this is it and we know the bitter sweet word
that will make our hearts break & neither of us want to say it.
We know this has to happen and that we have to say it
but we are afraid that we might never see each other again
so we take our time.

I feel like my heart is being torn from me
I don't want to lose you to life
that is what I'm afraid.
So I cant find the word and I wouldn't say it
cause I know this its the last time that
we will meet and we are never too far from each other.
We knew this day was coming has we were running against time
because we knew that we couldn't stop this day from coming and now that it is here
we both wish we had more time.

We both know what each other is thinking
there are no words that we need to say
so we just hug has tears run down our faces
you've never seen my fill with tears
you know this is different to me and you understand why.

We both know what each other is thinking
that this is it and we know the bitter sweet word
but we don't dare to say it because it
will break our hearts even though we know its not forever.

We thank for the time we share and think how luck we got to know each other
we shared smiles, laughs, you shared your tears always crying forr the both of us
cause I always hide mine and I always saw that has a strength of yours.
We thank for the memories and for our own little jokes that only you and I get
We have our own language that the world can never decode.

I feel like my heart is being torn from me
I don't want to lose you to life
just promise me I wont and my tears will stop
because I can trust your word and I will hold you to it.
I cant find the words so I hug you because
we both know what each other is thinking and are saying all the words in our heads
we both have been change because of each other and know this is not the last time
that we will speak to each other not far from now
and know we will see each other not far either
but who knows when we will see each other after that.

We both know what the other is thinking
that this is it and we know the bitter sweet word
that will make our hearts break & neither of us want to say it.
We know this has to happen and that we have to say it
but we are afraid that we might never see each other again
so we take our time.
To never say the word that we both know
because we know this isn't it for us
and know our love for each other
will always be with us
so we are never too far from each other
with our finger prints on our hearts.

Thank You Soldier

I saw a soldier in his uniform and
I ran up to him and gave him a hug.
He looked young barley 35
I didn't know him and he didn't know me
but he bent down and welcome it.

I told him thank you and that because of him
I wake up to a place where people are not killing others
and children are not holding guns.
I'm able to wake up to a place where people  help others
I'm able to text  my friends and able to call them up
when I miss their voices.

I saw a soldier in his uniform
and ran up to him and gave him a hug.
He looked young barley 35
I didn't know him and he didn't know me
but he bent down and welcome it.

I told him thank you and because of you
that I was able to go to a high school
that had four walls, books, desks, and computers
but the best part is that the staff cares more about the student than the work.
That different ages are allow to come together and give the chance to
be friends
to find love and
to have fun.
because of him I'm learning about things that I may be helpful in life
and the lessens only the teacher can teach because of their experiences
instead of learning how to clean, hold, and fire a gun
or how to make a bomb.

I saw a soldier in his uniform
and ran up to him and gave him a hug.
He looked young barley 35
I didn't know him and he didn't know me
but he bent down and welcome it.

I told him thank you for your time
and giving up that time with your friends and family
and putting yourself in harms way
to keep our freedom and keeping us safe and sound.
I know it couldn't have been easy being away from those you love
and not knowing if you will see them again.

I saw a soldier in his uniform
and ran up to him and gave him a hug.
He looked young barley 35
I didn't know him and he didn't know me
but he bent down and welcome it.
Now please go home hug your love ones
you given up so much
so we would never have to give up our freedom
and from my heart thank you because of you
i able to do the little things in life that means so much to me
and because of you your love ones and my and the world's
are safe and sound.

Sam & Bumblebee

We are here the world is going to end without you
your force to leave because we are giving up.
You tell me you have no plan to fight back and
I can't believe my hears
how we going to stand by as the world is being taken over.

We are here we say goodbye to each other
and I can't believe the world is listening to
the bad guys cause you to leave.
I watch you board the ship
I hear the count down in my head
and your ship takes off into the sky.

I watch thinking this can't be happening
has I watch something unexpected happen
your ship blows up right in the sky and
I scream for your name.
Thinking you can not be gone
and the world is ending all around me.

The world is ending all around me
I cant believe what I am seeing
and you are not here with me.
The city is in ruins
buildings on are fire and people are disappearing
with each second starting this nightmare
and the sky is fill with ashes.

The world is ending all around me
so I go after all I know that is left 
im told that I might die
going after my love one
but I don't care cause half of my world is all ready gone.

The city is ruins
ships are controlling the sky
nowhere is safe from the bad guy
so I go in this war zone
this hell on earth
to go get her.

I'm trap I going to die
there's no hope for my friends and I
but then you come back
and save my safe.
I can't believe you are back
but we cant celebrate now
cause the world is ending all around us.

Together we fight to get her back
together we fight to put the world back together.
We know what we have to do
I tell her I promise I'll be back
she been hurt like this before and is afraid she will never hold me again.

We fight for this world not knowing if we will see our worlds again
but the world is ending all around us and the city is on fire.
Together fight
together we get injure
Together we lost friends
but together we save the world
only when you came back.

We are here the world is healing
the world is save and tomorrow will come
and I know it comes with you
and no longer is my world ending because you are here
and she is with me and I'm with her
safe and sound.
All because you came back and didn't lose faith
and to together we fought and didn't stand by and now
the world isn't ending all around us.

Don't Worry I Can Take It

I can take a million bullets to the chest to the back
i don't care who is pulling the trigger
If I'm there and those bullets are coming at you
without a second going by Ill jump right in front of you.
I can take it don't you worry about that

I can take a million knives to the chest to the back
I don't care who is throwing them
If I'm there and those knives are coming at you
without a second going by I'll jump right in front of you.
I can take it don't you worry about that

Don't you go blaming yourself
when you see me bleeding out
cause that I cant take and
Ill be okay
cause I can take the blood and pain.

I can take a million bullets to the chest to the back
I don't care who is pulling the trigger
if I'm there and those bullets are coming at you
without a second going by Ill jump in front of you.
I can take it don't you worry about that

I can take a million knives to the chest to the back
I don't care who is throwing them
If I'm there and those knives are coming at you
without a second Ill jump in front you.
I can take it don't worry about that

Don't you go blaming yourself
when you see me bleeding out
cause I cant take that
and Ill be okay
cause I can take the blood and pain.

I can take a million bullets
I can take a million knives to the chest to the back
I don't care who is pulling the trigger
I don't care who is throwing the knives
If I'm there and they are coming at  you
without a second going by Ill jump in front you.
I can take it don't you worry about that
I can take the blood and pain for you.