This Itch

I have an itch
I cant tell how much it kills me.
I fight with it trying to hold my ground
I have an itch

Its not like a normal itch
like when you get a bug bite
or when you are wearing a casked
no it is a much worst.

Do you know why it is worst?
This itch can take control
and leads no where good.
It can become your worst habit
that you can never turn your back on.

This itch it fills good when
I give in
It burns and runs
people hate the truth of it
and the sight of it.

They ask how dare I?
and I laugh cause I cant hold a serious face
to save my life
I will tell them they don't understand
and that they are not the people that
really know me.
Cause those that do
would understand me better
and this itch and what it creates
once I cant stand it for a time
and have a peace of mind.

This itch, is my wound,
my weakness, the healed up scares .
This itch hurts more than anything
and is harder to get rid of

This is  my itch
This is my cruse
this is my bad part
This is my wound
and
This is my scares.

You Walked Back into My Life

Without notice you come back in my life
even in class you showed up
when the teacher mention
the thing you love  and I learned more about it.
I learn it was loved showed much
that it shine to the top
on stage.
 I see you smiling and picture you dancing and singing
right there next to the board.

Why didn't you get the love that would have
pushed you to shine?
I bet if you were given that chance
you would the same story that
someone found you and
you would have gotten to shine at the top
on stage.

I was walking and saw a shirt
that said other one of your favorites
and that it was your first rated r movie
and you loved it.
I remember our decision and the songs we like in it
and you burst into the song when I mention it.
You knew very beat
and you played to your own beat in life.

But now will never get to march
to your beat
or get to sing on the big stage
and have the lights have the honor making you shine
even more.
Your life was taking from you
and you were so young
and full of life
how couldn't you have been loved
for you being you
and they killed you.

With one bullet your life is taken from you
Why?
Cause they couldn't find love for you
so angry because of what you were
not by your choice
and yet you accepted it.
You said look this is who I am.

I hope wherever you might be
up there I can only hope
that you get to do what you loved up there.
You might find it crazy
but you do cross my mind
and walk back into my life
and I have to listen to something
that keeps you alive
somehow.

Missing You

Do you know what

Came on the radio

as I drove  to work,  

work was your  home?

It was a song

you  pointed

Out to me.

I remember you saying

Who does that remind you of?

And I said, without a pause,

 “ you”

 we both laughed.

A smile finds my face

 I remember you,

 then a tear runs down my face

you are gone.

I miss you immensely.

I know I will never

Get to hear your laughter

Again.

I pull up to work.

I’ve been in and out

Since you told me

You were gone.

The news hit me so hard

That I couldn’t fake

The sadness in

My heart.

Where are you now

To lite up my heart with gladness?

I get to my office.

I see your picture

There. I pick it up.

The moment plays

In my head.

And I smile

I laugh.

I read the back,

Remembering you put a message there,

 It touches my heart.

You never did anything

Normal

That I know of

You had such a

Creative mind.

Did you know that?

I put it back in place

Where I can see it

And others can too,

because I was not ashamed

Of you-

I never was.

Did you know that?

Would you have believed that?

I get settled in

And a friend walks by.

 Again, I laugh and say,

“It’s because of our inside joke about him.”

He asks, “what is it?”

I tell him it was something

That you said.

He asks how I’ve been,

Taking you being gone,

and I miss you

And I tell him, “I’m getting

Through it.”

We both sit down,

I ask him the same Question and

 he says he honestly  

 can’t believe it,

 it hurts.

It hurts me knowing

you will never

Walk through those doors

And make us laugh and smile.

Do you know

In this building

You touched a lot of people

and you matter to them?

I know you didn’t always

See that,

But they are all crying,

Or have cried,

Hearing about the news

That you are gone.

Someone stops me in

The hallway.

we both smile and laugh

Because of you,

And it’s crazy,

 At times it feels like

You are here with us

Again.

You were strange about

Showing your feelings.

 I remember how

You asked for a hug,

Something so simple;

And yet for you

It was strange.

Oh, How I wish I can hold you in my arms again

Sheltering you from the world

Having some control of keeping you safe.

The snow is falling.

 The holidays

Are getting closer

 you couldn’t wait

to see us again;

The idea lit up

Your voice.

I hope you know

That at times

 I think of you

And wonder about

The person you

Would have become.

Sometimes I smile and laugh

At our moments

That play in my head.

At times I cry

My heart out,

 then I get

This feeling

You are right here

With me,

 you never left.

You will never be forgotten,

Not because you had a major

Impact on the world,

But because of your

Love for all of us here.

 you impacted

Our lives and

Touched our hearts

And we are

Thankful for that.

I miss you and

I love you

Always

Are They Doomed?

They get up not knowing what the day will bring
they have been fighting for a long time
there was once a time of peace
but now the enemy is back
bigger, better , stronger.
They wonder how can they win this time
will the fighting ever stop.
Thoughts came back to them
playing like a sad movie
showing them they were doom from the start
now stop trying to avoide the outcome
that you know is ahesd of you.
face it, the sooner you do
the easier it will be and then
others can face that same fact.

Lets go perpare
it sont be much longer now
The thoughts show no clear vision of what
 they have in store for them.
They dont want to go
but know it is better that they do.
They weep tears not for themslves
for those they care about.

They dont know where to go
they keep inside all they think
cause they  dont want to pass their disease along
and dont want any pity.
They feel doomed inside
and wish if they knew that
they are not and that there is an end.

They fight to get back up
and sometimes dont know if they can
they try to keep one thing in mind
and that at least one person
will feel they are gone.
and that this fight is worthwhile
cause they dont want to cause others pain
and dont want to cause them tears.

Leaving Fringer Prints Behide

You wake up to another day
turn on the news
another life has been taken
the world always in chaos.
You look at your phone
you have a voice mail and a text
from the same person.
You see the text first 
and wonder whats going on
and then you hear their voice.
Its different than it usually is
the tune is sad and desperate
you mute the TV
to hear them better.

You call them
they don't answer
and the panic starts to take over
and you try again while looking at the TV
and then their picture
comes up.
You become paralyzed and drop the phone
without noticing it slipping through your fingers
and your heart sinks
tears start dripping from your eyes.
You think this cant be true
why are they joking like this
but you know its true.

You try to figure it out in your head
the why to every part of it.
Why didn't they wait?
Why did they have to go?
Why?

You look down at them
angry at them
for leaving the way they did.
You see them in your mind
the times they made you laugh
and the times they made you smile.
The way they saw the world
and the way they were going to change it.
The way they saw you and everyone they care about
and how they cherish every little thing.
You think they had so much ahead of them.

Days later they still cross your mind
and wish they were still here
and could talk to them.
So then you listen to the voice mail
they tell you thank you and that they love you at the end of it
the rest doesn't matter.
They cross your mind in the unusual ways
maybe in the way someone acts
maybe in the way of a topic
cause you know what they would say
maybe in the way
they touch your heart.

You never completely forget about them
cause they left their finger prints on your heart
and no matter what others say
you are thankful
for those finger prints.

I Put My Shades On

Wake up the light in the world hurts my eyes
I put my shades on
head is exploding
I put my shades on
wish I had an eye problem to never take them off again
trying to hide the truth they hold
I put my shades on
they are they're shield
trying to hide the pain

Wake up
it feels like a black eye
was I in a fight?
No blackness
but it feels like its there.
So I put my shades
afraid to take them off
feeling like I should hide from the world
to blend with the walls and the floor
hoping no one will see.

Wake up
in tears
heart pounding
thoughts come back
that I thought were long gone.
My reasons seem
not to be good enough
but my heart knows they
are important enough
and fight that cant seem to stop
until I surrendered
which I know I cant to
cause that's giving up on
all those I care about.
I put my shades on
the light hurts
my eyes
the world feels darker than it really is
and I just want to hide away.
I put my shades on
trying to feel some control.

So I put my shades on
only few people can get me to take them off
cause they already see pass the shades
and know what already is going though
my head.
Sometimes words are needed and sometimes
the smallest action without words
are just important.

Can you see behind the shades?

The Last Day

The last day
it was here I couldn't believe it
I didn't want to believe it.
The last day
I wouldn't come back
to these four walls as a student.
The last day
People friends
asked me
are you excited?
I look at them and
let out a smile a laugh
and said of course
I am.

The last day
we practice our walk
leaving and entering the world.
The last day
we talked not keeping track of time
when we had finished
we hug never wanting to
let go knowing that I
have to.

The last day
for the first time
I let them see my tears
for the first time.
I showed them my heart
The last day
I told them I was scared
but not of leaving
I could live with that
the fear was hold
with the idea I could lose them
and that I couldn't bare.
I don't want them to be apart of the past
but apart of the now and the future.
the last day
I take a heart marked by finger prints
a heart filled with love.

This may be my
last day
but this is not my
last day with them.
But each day I will treat it
has my last day
even if it may
never end.

I Dont Care What They Say

I don't care what they say
watching a love one die and being there after
they are gone
is the hardest thing.
The hardest parts are the small things
that you notice when someone is gone
and the world feels strange and cold
I don't care what they say
I miss you.

I don't care what they say
about you
cause they didn't meet you
and you left a foot print on my heart.
I don't care what they say
every once in awhile you cross my mind
and I look in the sky
looking and wondering.

I don't care what they say
I wish i told you
that you could never be replace
after every time we spoke.
I don't care what they say
I wish you knew
that one person love you
even if you felt unlovable.

I don't care what they say
I tune them out and get silent
and wonder and try to hide the saddest
in my heart.
But I would rather miss you
than not have met you
at all.
cause I got lucky to have you in my life
even if it was a second.

I don't care what they say
they don't know what you went through
and how you fought
they weren't there by your side.

I don't care what they say
I only care what you have to say.....