Like a Soldier

Like a soldier in battle
trying to get up
reaching for my gun and radio
to defend myself and the call for help.
On the floor trying to stand up
stand up again and never giving up.

Like a soldier
we get up not sure what the day will bring
we just know it will come.
We cherish each moment we get
not knowing what will be our last.
We were told giving up is not an option
failure is never an option to us.

Like a soldier in battle
we were taught not to give up
that to always fight
when the dark came
knowing some how there is a light
we just cant always see it.
the Spartan way never give up
die trying.
The great warriors
the human spirit works the same way
the only difference is that
we can give our selves away
and it would not look like weakness.

Like a soldier in battle
we are far from
those we love and
all we can do is fight
for them.
Like a soldier in battle
on the floor
reaching for our weapon to defend ourselves
and reaching for the radio
to call for help
for back up
because we realize
we cant do this by ourselves.
Like a soldier

Its Different

Its different not having that place of safety
it different not being reminded what you are fighting for
Its different not being able to know you could ask
for a hug and that its okay to show your tears to at least one person.
Its different no one can tell what you are feeling
without asking,

It feels lonely, isolate
cant  fully verbise
what I'm feeling or thinking.
I feel cold again
just back into the darkness
becoming less human has the days go on.
theres support bit its not the same
its a strange to me
and I don't know if I can fully trust it.

Its a shut down
no words are able to come out
the hood goes up
just want to curl into a ball
no one will notice anyway.
Just shut down
with only music keeping me company
it wont matter.

ts different not knowing who to ask
not knowing where it is safe to show any emotions
not feel safe to ask for a hug
when it is really needed.

Shut down
lonely and cold
stumbling through the day.

The Dark Figure

All dress down in black from head to toe
leans on the walls knowing they wont fall
by the wall, observing.

Hair down covering her eyes
have the hood covering her whole head
leans on the walls the only thing to support her
listening to music, but carefully
listening to the world.

Shes that dark figure over there
can you see her?
Blending in the walls
you haven't her voice in awhile
she just stands there
and before you know it
she runs off.

She smiles and makes you laugh
but do you know what she is hiding
the scars she wears?

You're afraid, shes afraid
to speak to each other.
Afraid of you're reaction  she doesn't say a word.
She doesn't want to speared
what she is, a disease
to the world.

So she does what she knows
she stands strong and ready with smiles
and laughter.
She bowes her head down
covering her eyes
to hide the tears and
pulls that hood back up
becomes speechless.

Shes that figure
all dress in black head to toe
leans on the walls knowing
they wont fall
and would understand each tear.
The dark figure
will hide their feelings inside
from the world that will
take advanage of her at
her weakest moments.


All cover in black
All cover in scars....

Finding a Place of Safety Again

Trying to let you know
and then you brush it off like its nothing
all I hear is laughter in the wind
under your words.
I can see the miss understanding
in your eyes its okay
not many people do.

Soon I'll be back with people
who know everything and will see it a mile away
with me saying a word.
I think about them
which is what truly stops me in my tracks.

I'll have to teach others
with time to learn
my tracks of  trades
teach them how I hide
and when I'm not.

I'll find those again
find new ones with time
where asking for a hug
wont seem so strange or weird.
When I wont be afraid
to show tears.

Truly all I'm looking for
is one place where I can feel safe
once again.
I know it wont be easy
but I have to try.
That's all it takes
I know it
and once I find this place
then something will feel normal for once.

That's what I miss
and I plan to find it within time
first part
take the first step
the difftical step.