System Shut Down

System overload
breaking down
shoulders not strong enough
to carry the weight.
Just want to crawl in the hole
turn off the lights
and sit in silence
cause the sounds of the world
are just too much
and hurt my ears .

The nosies of the world
make no sense to me
cause I cant make out
the meaning of its words
they just hurt more.
every piece of sound
is pushing me to the edge
and I cant run fast enough
away from them.

System overload
breaking down
system fired
system shut down
cant grab a handle on it
everything slipping through my fingers
I don't got this.
I yell but nothing is coming out
I cant make a noise of my own.

System overload
breaking down
everything building up
cant seem to come out
slowly drowning in this ocean
system in shock
Sparks flying
fighting against the certain
waves stronger than they look
just want to give up
and let it take me.

System overload
breaking down
system shut down
system fired
go into the hole
where the silence and dark is
where no noise can enter.
I don't got this
cause everything is slipping and
cant grab a handle on anything
System getting fired by the water
sparks flying
fire is started.
cant fight against the certain.

Slowly drowning
system down...........

Angel & Devil

It was a warm August Saturday in Florida. Angel had just moved in to college, ready to start the college life.  She was far from everything she knew. She chose to go to a college named Aslyn College for two reason s: one to get away from the cold north weather, and two, the college had everything that Angel was looking for. She wanted to study theatre and psychology. She always liked to have a backup plan, just in case life threw another curve ball at her. Angel figured that if she ever got badly wounded doing lights for theatre, then she do something in the field of helping others.  She never really knew where life wound take her and she never believed that her life was already planned out by a greater power.  She believed that she made her own path in life.

                In early September, it was time to say goodbye to her parents and hello to new people.  She had two roommates, Jean and Alice. Jean was from Florida and Alice, like Angel was from the north. They got along just fine and became friends in the first couple months, but Angel kept her secrets inside, not wanting to scare her new friends. One night she didn’t feel like being around her roommates because she was in a bad mood, missing her friends back home. She went to the school’s student center to just hang out and watch TV.  She sat down, seeing that a movie she liked was on. The only problem was that it was almost over. A show called “Sons of Anarchy” came on; Angel knew of the show, but never watched it. During the show, a junior introduced himself as James; they found common ground between the two of them.

Angel noticed James’ bag, “Where you in the army?” she asked, seeing that it had the pattern it.   

“Yeah, took some time off to join,” James told her.

“Did you ever go overseas?” Angel asked, always interested in where people had been in their lives.

“Yeah, I went to Europe,” he answered her.  “Sons” came one, James told Angel the whole story because she admitted that she had no idea what was going on in the episode.

Through their talk and during the show, Angel noticed James’ dragon ring, representing her favorite mythical creature. “I like your ring, where did you get it?” she asked James during a commercial break.

“Oh, a friend in Europe gave it to me; I love dragons. Your rings are cool, too,” James told her and then continued to watch “Sons”. Over time, it became a weekly thing for them; every Tuesday they would watch the show that brought them together.

                Before Angel left the north to attend Aslyn College, she had made contact with others so she wouldn’t be so alone. She finally met one of these people from her past. His name was Cody; they had been talking over the summer. It was a quick meet because Angel had classes, which only gave her about an hour. He showed her where his cousin’s wedding had taken place which wasn’t far from the college, and walked around. They never met again, and they kept talking for a little bit.

                A little time passed by and then on a Saturday at her aunt’s, she was looking at different profiles and one caught her eye. She first messaged him, asking him if he liked going to theme parks and what were his favorite rides.  They hit it off and kept talking to each other back and forth. Her family was making fun of her, thinking she was on Facebook, but little did they know what she was doing. That night they discussed actually talking to each other on the phone and she agreed.  Angel was nervous because she was bad at talking vocally; texting was easier for her. They finally talked and learned each other’s names. His named was Emmett. They just knew their user names and they talked for hours that felt like minutes; she couldn’t believe how fast time went by. They talked every day during any free time that Angel had between classes. She set limits so she would have time to work on her papers, but he was always there. They laughed about Angel’s roommates, well, just about one, - Alice, because of how her voice carried through the phone and annoyed the both of them when trying to talk.

                They were falling for each other. He was her “Tiger” and she was his “sweetheart”, and no one really knew expect her roommates, because they overheard their conversation about being boyfriend and girlfriend and Angel and Emmett agreed on it. Angel was a writer by heart and she had her own blog to write her poem for her old friends to read.  Some of them were about him; he asked her to read the first poem to him and she did, even though she felt nervous because people were around her. She couldn’t wait to meet him; it was the only thing she couldn’t wait to do. 

                That day finally came when she dropped off her parents at JAX airport. She knew she wasn’t far so she called him up. He said that by the time Angel got there he would be ready for her, and that the gate guard knew she was coming. The first time she drove right past his house; she was bad at directions, but she found him. When Angel got out of her car, he took her in his arms for the first time. Nervously she walked around his house while he finished getting ready. She met his dog Stone; he was a begal and very well behaved. She looked at all the pictures around his house, getting an idea of his past and family. Emmettfinally came down and sat right next to her. He turned off the TV and just cuddled on the couch, and he showed her his music that he made. Knowing that Angel had never kissed a boy before, he asked her if she wanted to and she said yes. Sparks flew.  Then they went upstairs to his game room where she sat on his lap and they did simulations of roller coasters. She looked at the time and was disappointed that she had to leave because she was working on the play at school. He begged her not to go and she wished she didn’t have to.  She drove to him when they could find the time, and when they were together it felt like their hearts fit each other.

                She listened to her brain once, which told her he wasn’t right, because he was saying something about not being able to see each other for six months, and he did something to himself that she was trying to get out of her mind.  Then Alice yelled at him during the break up, and his roommate wanted to beat up Alice. After too much pain, Angel knew she made the wrong choice and they got back together knowing that break ups was not their thing. She got out of her car, they saw each other and he told her that he loved her. She knew she felt the same, because she had never felt so much pain cause by one person.

                One night they had planned that she would come over to see him. He told her that he was out with his friends and that he might go to her instead; he was drunk. She could tell on the phone. He told her that he would call her back when he got home; but he never did. She waited weeks for him to call; his phone would ring or just go to voice mail. Each time he didn’t answer, the pain got worse and she thought the worst had happened. As time went on, her heart slowly broke each day, missing its other half, as her mind tried to figure it out.

                On one night she decided to drive to his house, but couldn’t get to him because of the gate. She was angry with him and with herself for not listening to her brain. When she got back, she took it out on herself so she could feel some pain. She kept trying to get him; she called him every chance she got to hear his voice and send him a letter. Angel became lost because she felt her heart missing its other half. Finally with one night she couldn’t take another breath without knowing, without him. She wrote on her hand in sharpie. She wrote that she loved him. She talked to her RA who she was friends with and was happy would be the last person she would talk to and went in the room. She was alone, and she took some pills and took a sharp knife to herself. She was his Angel and he was her Devil.